Becoming A Gentle Mother: 3 Things I’ve Learned
When the Preacher Wants Your Panties
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Up until 7 pm last night, I had no idea that I would be writing this post. Then like a ton of bricks, God deposited this title into me, and the content began to flow.
I don’t know who all needs to read this blog, but I felt God’s heart and I believe that MANY need this.
This blog is for the woman that only wanted to be PRAYED for, yet got PREYED on by a preacher.
This one will be raw, real, and uncut.
Let’s go.
“I’m still the man of God”
That’s what he says to you after you all’s sexual frenzies in attempt to make you not “call him out“ on his sin.
He has no conviction and no desire to change so he wants to convince you never to cross him or try to expose him. He will tell you scriptures about how David committed sin, but was still a man after God’s own heart.
This is a manipulative tactic to cause you to avoid the seduction of what’s taking place between the two of you. As long as you see it as innocent you will be blindsided to the patterns that play out every single time you are chosen out of his group of women to be his mistress for the night.
That reminds me of my oldest girls, Hannah and Mya. When they are arguing and fussing the other one always tells me what the other one did wrong to try to take the blame away.
My question as I look to them individually is “But what did YOU do wrong”.
A man who won’t take responsibility for his actions is a man who still wants to hide in the dark. He is enjoying his lifestyle of sin. You aren’t responsible for his actions, but you are responsible for yours.
Be delivered from the voices that taunt you saying “Well if God uses him so powerfully, his passion must not be wrong”. Honey, God also used a donkey in the Bible, remember? God can use whatever and whomever he uses but that doesn’t mean that YOU have to subject yourself to living a life beneath what God wants for you.
It’s not okay. It’s never been okay and will never be okay. He is quite comfortable in his lifestyle of sin.
Are you?
“I’m a man…I make mistakes too”
That’s what he says to you when he can’t manipulate you with his charisma or God given gift.
The only problem with this is that these sexual encounters you’re having with him are nowhere near mistakes. Neither are the ones he’s having with all the other women in other cities while you’re at home still believing that he will soon acknowledge that you’re his God sent wife.
It’s one thing to be a man that makes mistakes, but it’s a completely different thing for his mistakes to be a lifestyle.
Remember this, Mistakes are not premeditated and neither are they pre-planned.
Be Free
Be honest with yourself when you know something doesn’t feel right.
You know when you’re being violated.
From him you may experience feelings of being seduced, being manipulated, or just being downright uncomfortable.
NONE of those are attributes of the Holy Spirit.
And then…some of you are okay.
You’re okay with being the side piece. You’re okay with flying into a city where he is, getting to wear your best “First Lady” attire at church, and sitting on the front row.
You feel special because his “crew” knows all about you. They also know what’s going down after the church service…and you do too.
Until you have read this post you have been okay with that. Although he has treated you like a KFC meal only wanting your breasts, legs, and thighs.
You. Have. Settled. For. That.
Because deep down you either only want the sex too, or you believe that he has intentions on marrying so you’re just waiting around to see what will happen.
You sit in his church services and look around to see if any other woman is looking at him with “those eyes”…you notice a few, but you shake it off because you know that you’re the one he wants to be with…or at least you’re the one who will be in his hotel room that night.
In your mind, if you can’t have all of him, at least you will have part of him.
But as I’m writing this, the Holy Spirit has arrested you because God loves you so much.
I’m writing this to you because I love you so much and I’m tired of seeing you hurt and confused.
Be delivered from the delusion that’s driving your decisions.
You don’t have to make any announcements, ultimatums, or threats… just decide that you won’t partake in this anymore.
You are worth so much more.
◊ Helping Note: Dear Sis, know your worth. You are the apple of the Father’s eye.
♥ You deserve a man who will not only be faithful to you, but will be faithful to God.
♥ You deserve a man who will wed you.
♥ You deserve a man who will be do things the right way.
♥ You deserve the absolute best.
Remember this, things don’t go wrong, they start wrong.
Change your number, block him on social media, and, if need be, don’t go to his church services. There are lots of other churches and services where you can be spiritually fed.
Guard your heart, honey. In order to be free, you have to want to be free and take the ACTIONS to be free.
So , I’m praying hard for you.
Do. Not. Settle
Also, part 2 of this is coming soon as well as a free gift to subscribers.
Love you so much,
♥Amanda Ferguson♥
Wife. Mother. Author.
I Didn’t Marry My Dream Husband
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Thank you all so much for the love and feedback. If you’re not subscribed to this blog yet, do so NOW. I have another free gift that I will be sending this week to all subscribers. You won’t want to miss it 🙂
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This may take you as a surprise, but I absolutely did NOT marry my dream husband.
Like most singles, I had my “list” of what my dream husband HAD to contain. After the prerequisite of loving and serving Jesus of course and some of the other generic things that most women want, these three attributes were on my top MUST have list in a dream husband:
-Must be an accountant
-Must look like Denzel Washington
-Must know how to barbeque
You may look at that list and laugh, but they meant everything to me! I refused to marry someone who did not possess those attributes! Well, that is until Jonathan Ferguson came along.
Jonathan and I were introduced to each other through my godmother. I looked up a picture of him before we met and immediately said, “nope! He’s not the one. He looks nothing like Denzel.” Contrary to what I thought, he WOULD be the one I would marry, but he still wouldn’t be the man of my dreams.
And why is that?
Simply put, I didn’t marry my dream husband because, obviously to God, my dreams weren’t big enough. My husband is more amazing that ANY dream husband I could have ever fathomed in my mind.
And boy oh boy did God exceed my expectations!
No, he doesn’t look like Denzel Washington, but he doesn’t have to. Because he is FIIIINNNE. And all mine!
He also isn’t an accountant, but he is an excellent, excellent steward of the finances. I have never had to worry about a bill, and I haven’t clocked into a job in over 4 years.
He also doesn’t know how to barbeque, but he’s taken me to some of the finest restaurants.
He didn’t match most of the things on my “dream husband list” but, you see, I forgot to put a few things on my list.
I forgot to put on my list how weak of a stomach that I have, and having 3 pregnancies, that I would need a husband who would lovingly clean up the “aftermath” of my morning sickness. Every. Single. Time. Without EVER complaining and without me ever having to ask him to do that. And then, to look at me afterwards and tell me that he loves me and that I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.
♥ That’s who God gave me.
I forgot to put on my list that I would need a strong man that could handle the burden of my grief and be gentle enough to wipe my tears as I sat through my mother’s funeral.
♥ That’s who God gave me.
I forgot to put on my list that I would want a husband who made sure that I never have to pump gas in my vehicle. Seriously, in 3 weeks we make 5 years of marriage, and I never have had to pump my own gas. Well maybe like 3 times tops and only because he was out of town and we both forgot.
♥ God gave me a man who loves me…and gosh does he love me. I never knew a love so beautiful!
When I feel like I mess up and feel subpar, he encourages me and tells me I’m amazing.
When I need an extra push, he is there being my biggest supporter.
When I’m a little “over the top” he is there to simmer me on down and land me back to reality.
There are times that I’ve gone to sleep sad and awakened feeling like a million bucks . I would tell him that I felt better the next morning and his sweet reply would be music to my ears, “I stayed up and prayed for you all night.”
He loves me past my imperfections and “blah” moments. He loves all of me. He loves the depth of me. He loves me without restraints. He loves me flaws and all.
◊ Helping Note: Dear Sis, to one special man even your flaws will be beautiful. Wait for THAT one.
You see, my dreams were way too small.
My husband is my exceeding, abundantly blessing. With him, I’ve experienced things I never would have thought to experience. He has upgraded me in every area of my life.
My husband is not what I wanted, he is MORE than what I wanted and so for that reason I’m so glad that I didn’t marry the man of my dreams.
So single lady, keep your list if you must, but if God has anything to do with it you can expect a complete upgrade.
In the end, my hope and prayer for you is that you don’t marry your dream husband, but that just like me, you marry BETTER.
Do. Not. Settle
Be sure to subscribe to my blog. You don’t want to miss the special gift I will be releasing soon.
Love you so much,
♥Amanda Ferguson♥
Wife. Mother. Author.
5 Practical Ways to Prepare to be a Wife Pt. 2
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Thank you all so much for all the feedback on my blogs. If you’re not subscribed to this blog yet, do it NOW. You won’t want to miss the freebie that I’ll be sending all subscribers soon.
Now on to the blog…
(Cont.)…..
3. Work on Your Appearance
Let’s talk a little about a particular scripture that I love, 1 Timothy 2:9. I mentioned this scripture in a blog last year, but I must mention it again. It states:
“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel…..”
That word adorn translates to “kosmeo” in the Greek which is where we get the word cosmetology in English. And what do cosmetologists do? They help to enhance our beauty. Simply put, adorn means to decorate and garnish. It also means world.
Let me break this down, this means that even though we should not make our beauty vanity, we should make it “our world” which means to make it a priority.
Let me tell you a funny story.
During our engagement period, the Lord really began to speak to me about the importance of “keeping myself up” and how my future husband would be intrigued by my beauty. However one particular day, I forgot about this and got in my feelings.
Jonathan and I were about to hang with friends. I had just gotten off work and had spent extra time on my hair and makeup and outfit. I thought I was CUTE. When Jonathan saw my outfit, he asked me to change my shirt because he didn’t like it. He wanted me to wear a different shirt that he felt matched better.
I got an attitude. MAJOR attitude. Then I texted a couple of my girlfriends and told them what he said.
They ALL said that HE was being petty.
The more I listened to them, the more I agreed with them. He had the problem, not me. I thought to myself, I’m fine just the way I am. Does he have any idea how many other men would want to be with me and he wants me to change a shirt?
Right before I convinced myself that we could not get married because maybe I would have to always change my clothes, the Holy Spirit whispered to me and said, “But do you want those other men or do you want Jonathan…it’s only a shirt, Amanda.”
Whew, I felt so convicted! It may sound silly reading this, but that was one of the biggest arguments that we had during our engagement. I was so serious and so mad, but after that tugging of the Holy Spirit, I made the adjustment and realized how silly it was. I also realized that I needed to get control over the voices that I allowed to influence my relationship.
◊ Helping Note: Dear Sis, be careful of the seeds that you allow other women to plant in your ear.
Remember this, men are moved by what they see. It didn’t take anything away from me to change to a different shirt, but it meant everything to him. So, if you’re seriously dating a man or engaged or even married and he asks you to switch up your outfit, hair, shoes, etc. remember that he is not trying to change YOU, he just wants to like what he is seeing at that moment.
4. Work on your Finances
Isn’t it something how when women write down what they want in a man, they usually write they want him to have a great credit score, a great job, and be in great financial shape etc.
But what about you?
Don’t demand something from him that you aren’t willing to demand from yourself.
Spend this time now working on your credit and gaining financial freedom.
Also pay attention to the areas that you struggle in financially.
Do you try to buy the latest, most expensive item even though you are behind in your bills?
Do you avoid those student loan payments?
Do you open multiple lines of credit and max them out?
Do you live above your means ?
Just like I mentioned in my earlier blog about googling recipes to learn to cook, use that same principle and google tips to become or stay financially free.
There are copious amounts of information on finances on the internet readily available from yearly budgeting down to daily tips.
Pull up your credit score and look at things on your credit that are negatively affecting it. Don’t just ignore it. Did you know that companies will work with you as long as you are willing to work with them to satisfy your debt? Sometimes the first step you need to take is just a phone call.
Remember this, you can never change what you will not confront.
I personally love Dave Ramsey’s teachings on money. There are also many other money experts who offer FREE information. Take advantage of that.
Learn to become a good steward and money manager now so that you will be able to add that skill to your home as a wife.
5. Work on your Emotional Health
To me, this one is BIG. Before I met my husband I had gone through many traumatic events. From being raised impoverished to being sexually abused as a pre-teen to even being suicidal before I got saved. I had been through a LOT in my life before Jonathan and I ever met. If you have never read how I triumphed through life’s tragedies, check out my book “Amanda’s Story: Overcoming Molestation and Depression” available on amazon.com.
Salvation and going through deliverance definitely helped me and made me new. In addition to that, I wholeheartedly believe in therapy. Not only did I go through therapy before my husband and I got married, but I still occasionally go to therapy now just to talk.
That’s right, I still go to therapy.
We can go to the doctor for checkups, the dentist for checkups, so why not go to therapy? You deserve to be well, in every area of your life including your emotional health.
Therapy is not a bad thing.
The things that you have never dealt with in your emotions WILL show up. It’s absolutely unavoidable. You may be able to hide them for a little while, but given the right situation, things will resurface. That’s why you can see a 50 year old act get upset and act like a 3 year old having a tantrum. There is a part of that person’s emotions that have never been healed.
By all means this year, please work on your emotional health.
I’m telling you this because I want you to be the absolute best that you can be. I’m praying for you and rooting for you.
Love you so much,
Amanda Ferguson
5 Practical Ways to Prepare to be a Wife Pt. 1
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Thank you all so much for all the feedback on my blogs. If you’re not subscribed to this blog yet, do it NOW. You won’t want to miss the freebie that I’ll be sending all subscribers soon.
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Remember this, God will bless you to the level of your preparation.
Do you just want to be married? Or do you want to be a wife?
Wives are the keepers of their homes, the protector of their atmospheres, and the glue that holds the family together. Here are a few practical things to cultivate as you prepare to be a Godly wife.
1. Learn How to Cook
Ok, I know we’re in the age where dining out and getting take out is convenient, but let me tell you something ladies, a way to a man’s heart is still through his stomach.
A man loves a good home-cooked meal. Before, I was 22, I couldn’t boil water. Seriously, I didn’t know anything about the kitchen. I had no interest in cooking, but when I got saved at 22, something shifted in me.
I suddenly had the desire to improve myself as a lady in every aspect of my life. I asked my mom and other great cooks to show me a few meals. I also googled recipes and got a ton of ideas. Sometimes they were great, and sometimes they were terrible, but I kept improving!
By the time I got married 4 years later, I was a really good cook. My husband thinks I’m an amazing cook, and he is a very picky eater. If you’re not the best cook, it’s okay. Spend a little time each week working on a new dish. Once you’ve mastered that dish, move on to the next one. Before you know it, you’ll have a reservoir of good meals that you’ve mastered. Your future husband will thank you.
2. Clean it Up
If you’re at home right now, take a look around your house. Is it messy? Is it organized? Do you have clothes every year? Piles of dishes in the sink?
◊ Helping Note: Dear sis, you can’t be deep in the spirit and dirty at home. Clean it up.
Cleanliness is next to godliness. Your home is your atmosphere. Keep it clean, keep it inviting, keep it organized. Men appreciate a clean house. Oh, and a clean bathroom.
That’s right, they don’t want to see your eyeshadow, lashes, brushes, and combs all over the bathroom counter. That may mean, you might have to leave home a little earlier to tidy up before you head out each day. Contrary to what you may think, the cleanliness that you develop NOW is how you will be as a wife. If cleaning hasn’t become a habit now, then you will struggle greatly when you get married.
So, I learned to try my best to put things back as soon as I use it. I’ve found that if I don’t, things will just start building up. Then when it was time to clean up everything, I’d get overwhelmed.
I remember once spending TWO HOURS cleaning out drawers just because I would throw my clothes in drawers and didn’t know where anything was….. TWO hours! From that point, I decided that I needed a change. I needed to be organized and stay organized so I wouldn’t have to constantly start from scratch.
Practical Habits to Enforce
* When trying on clothes, if you don’t wear that outfit, don’t put it on the floor or bed, hang it back up
* When you take off your shoes, don’t just put them somewhere, put them in their place
* When you cook, fill the sink with dish water, so you can wash dishes as you go
* When you check the mail, immediately discard things you don’t need so that miscellaneous papers won’t crowd your home
* When you apply your makeup, place all makeup, tools, etc. back into there proper place.
Those are only a few tips. Remember, when you really value something, you MAINTAIN it.
3. Work on Your Appearance
While women are moved by their emotions, men are moved by what they see. They are visual beings.
This is why it’s important to look your best and “keep yourself up”. That doesn’t mean that you have to look like a model, but that means that everyday you should look your best.
It’s perfectly alright to spend extra time making sure that you look great from head to toe. This means you can NOT wear a bonnet, scarf, and pajamas to the store because you need to “run to the store really quickly.” I feel like I just stepped on a few toes just then. It’s okay to say ouch. Remember, house shoes are for the HOUSE.
◊ Helping Note: Dear Sis, you can be holy and not look homely.
I know you may be enjoying this, but I’m going to stop here for now. I’ll continue my teaching on appearance along with the other two tips in my next blog.
This year, Do Not settle.
Be sure to subscribe to my blog. You don’t want to miss the special gift I will be releasing soon.
Love you so much,
Amanda Ferguson
3 Reasons Why He Hasn’t Married You
Have you been wondering why that special man in your life just will NOT pop the question? Let me give you 3 reasons that may be the culprit. 🙂
1. He’s Pressured
Have you ever been to a store and didn’t want to be bothered? You only wanted to browse for a bit, but the sales associate wouldn’t leave you alone?
Well I don’t do well in those atmospheres. Ask me once , ask me twice, then … poof be gone! If I keep being pressured to buy, I leave! See. When you see something you want you don’t have to be convinced to get it. If he really wants you, you don’t have to convince him to be with you.
◊Helping Note: Dear Sis, If you have to convince him to be with you, then you’ll have to convince him to stay with you.
2. He’s Too Comfy
Ever heard the saying, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free? Well guess what….he is enjoying that free milk. He is enjoying all of the benefits OF you without formally committing TO marrying you.
So yes, that’s why he can date you for years and years without ever going to pick out a ring. He is quite comfy.
I’ve heard women say, “I’ll wait on him as long as I need to.” That’s fine if that’s what you’d like to do. I’m definitely not trying to discourage your waiting process, but I don’t want you heartbroken if that never happens.
◊Helping Note: When a man deems you as irreplaceable, he will want to get you off the market as soon as possible as his wife!
It’s absolutely possible for a man to string you along for years with no intentions on marrying you.
My husband and I only dated for 2.5 months and after a month of dating, we were picking out rings. I’m not saying that has to be your timeline, but generally speaking, a man, especially a Christian man, won’t keep you waiting long.
Don’t fall for the okey-dokey.
3. He Doesn’t Want To
I don’t think I can be any more candid than this;
Sis, he hasn’t married you because…well he doesn’t want to.
I know you’ve met his mama, grandma, his best friends and his dog.
You’ve cooked for him and worked on yourself to make yourself better.
You’ve told all of your friends about all that he has done for you.
And guess what?
If he doesn’t want to marry you, he won’t.
Some men honestly like the thrill of having a “forever” girlfriend, believing that it validates their “man” card.
◊Helping Note: Dear Sis, when a man decides that he wants to marry you, he will move heaven and earth to wed you.
I’m telling you these three tips because I love you.
In 2017, be free from the illusion that makes you think that he will eventually marry you.
God has someone so so special for you.
The one that God has ordained for you will be a breathtaking reflection of God’s love for you. He will love the core you. He will love the depth of you. He will make you realize why it never worked with anyone else. He will be worth the wait , and he won’t make you wait long:)
This year, Do Not settle.
Also,
Be sure to subscribe to my blog. You don’t want to miss the special gift I will be releasing soon. Also, I would love to meet you January 27th – 29th in Memphis for The Bootcamp with my husband Jonathan Ferguson.
Love you so much,
Amanda Ferguson
Amanda Ferguson 